$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
