I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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