8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
