My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
