She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think people are normalizing furries
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
