in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
