oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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