I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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