based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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