LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
