You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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