that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
