you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
