Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
