just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
