haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
