toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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