You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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