Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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