Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
