I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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