I cut my penus on the lid.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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