how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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