i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
