Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
