dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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