Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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