shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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