I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
