Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
