Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
