You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
