You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
