How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The Olympian is in my bed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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