can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
