I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
