Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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