K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
