I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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