I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
