Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
