you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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