Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
