I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
