Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
