do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
