Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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