She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
