2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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