Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
