did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
