I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
