I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
