I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
