i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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