My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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