I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
