I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
