just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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