i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My pussy is not your playground.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So much Jack, so little girl.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
