did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
