dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
