Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
